I was going to write about something else today but this morning I got to thinking about hope.
Lately, I have been telling people that I have stopped hoping that Max will outgrow his food allergies. I have said the roller coaster is just too much for me. I go into testing every year thinking "This is the year. This is the year that he will outgrow milk or egg or even...." Our last blood test was December 2006 and we got the results early January. Milk RAST had plummeted, .9! We scratch tested it in February to disasterous results. I think even the allergist was shaky afterward. He said he didn't think an oral challenge was a good idea.
I was angry though! "They" said he would outgrow milk and egg, first it was by age 3, then it was by age 5. So now he's 5 and they have set no new benchmarks for me. It is now a "maybe, someday." I had a hard time recovering not only the not outgrowing but the addition of pistachio and cashew as new positives. The first allergist we had told me that the more things he is allergic to the less likely that he is to outgrow.
But, secretly, I still hope. I still believe in that "someday." For milk, for egg and even dare I say it, peanut. I have to. It's what makes us human, hope. Hope that we will always beat the odds.