Compassion

One of the things that concerns and confounds me about the world is the seeming lack of compassion people seem to have for one another. Not just in the world of food allergies but in the world at large. It seems as if someone senses their own wants are at all compromised by the needs of others they act with outright animosity and anger. Whether its sharing the road, the grocery store aisle, or space in the world in general. I don't know if it is the area I live in but I have begun to be very worried about the human race due to the animosity I feel around me everyday.

It's the lady at the pool that practically pushes my child aside to go up the steps. No excuse me or even eye contact even though we are the only other people in the pool. Its the woman at the grocery store berating the lady waiting in her car for her grocery delivery because she has been parked there too long and the other woman wants her to move. No, please could you move up or can I get in here. Just a barrage of verbal abuse.

It's also the lack of compassion from others when dealing with those with food allergies. Its the parents of another child in my son's class. As the teacher is explaining that there is one child in the class with severe food allergies the parent spews out "So everyone else has to suffer because of one child." If he had let the teacher finish he would have realized that her comments would have ended in "You can still bring what you want and the parent of the food allergic child will provide a separate snack."

It's the same teacher a month later refusing to change her plans to make cookies using both milk and eggs in the classroom, even though I have offered to make cookie dough for the whole class, because "We do not deprive the other children because of one child." They had made no other plan for my child, he was just not going to be allowed to participate in the cookie making.

It's a woman in one of my former playgroups that would continuously bring unsafe snacks not just to our playgroups but to my house. An eggy milk, based dip one time. A snickers cheesecake to another. That time the playgroup wasn't at my house it was at another members house who had just found out her son had a severe peanut allergy. I could never understand if she just didn't get it or just didn't care.

It is the Washington Post printing an editorial response (in very large print) to an article about peanut free sections at baseball games. "I'll give up my peanut butter and jelly sandwich when you pry it from my cold, dead hands."

I realize that all these incidents may seem very minor. But I have dozens more. They one by one add up and make me wary of people's reactions to me, to my children and to their food allergies. I honestly didn't make up their problems or cause them or want to even burden YOU with them. But we all live in this world together and we all, in one way of the other, too often look the other way and say "That is not my problem." We lack compassion for another person's burdens and instead focus on how their problem encroaches upon my rights.

I am not asking you to change the way you live. But if you are my neighbor, I think it is kind if you look me in the eye and say hello. If you are my son's teacher, I expect you to make him feel included and keep him out of dangers way. If you are parents of other kids at my children's' school I wish you could see us as part of your community and not as "the child who deprives others."

Just walk a day in my shoes. I am striving to walk a day in yours.

ACTUAL Letter to the teachers

So here is ultimately what I did send to Max's teachers. I'll have to address all my other issues differently. Namely the distribution of the life-threatening food allergy list.

Via email:

First off I am sorry my sons were so distracting at our committee meeting yesterday. It was hard for me to focus or perhaps I would have been able to bring up these issues while we were all still together.

I have been pondering the food for the Asia Trip since our meeting and I have a few thoughts. The way the event is structured now is for many people to bring various foods making for a pot luck of sorts. I think this leads to a host of logistical problems. Where and how is the food set up? What about utensils/dishes/napkins, etc.? Where do people sit to eat? I feel a pot luck leads to people standing in line to get food, children focusing more on eating than enjoying Asia and a lot of garbage to clean up. How do we control the crowd and the mess? I just fear a pot luck might overshadow the real purpose of the "Asia Trip" which is to explore Asia not feed everyone lunch.

Here is my idea: What if one or two foods were choosen for each country and many people asked to bring the same thing already sepearted in to bite sized portions. For example a small bite-sized samosa for India, Shredded colored cocoanut or Chinese crackers in a small cup for China. The food would then be kept at a "kiosk" near the set for each country so the children could enjoy a small "snack" in each country. This way they could easily distinguish which culinary delight belongs to which country and still be hungry for lunch later on.

I also have food allergy concerns regarding a pot luck which I feel could be minimized with the "kiosk" idea. But that is an issue we can discuss later.

Please see my ideas as my way of offering options and simplifying this wonderful event.

What do you think?

End transmission

Overheard

The other day at The Little Gym I overheard a conversation. As one mom was leaving she said something about seeing them later and not bringing peanuts. The other woman rolled her eyes and laughed "Yeah, no peanuts." The first mom than went on to explain in whispers to a dad waiting on his daughter in class about some situation. I couldn't hear the whole thing as she really was whipering even though I was like ten feet away. I know I shouldn't listen in on people's conversations but it is a public place and the mention of peanuts had my antenea up.

I could make out parts: trail mix, peanuts, sitting next too, someone asking what they were eating. The last part she said in a normal volume voice "and then she asked "Could you please wash their hands!" She went on with a "Come on, they are just sitting there and here, I have my antibacterial right here."

I saw this as my cue. I said "Antibacterial doesn't affect food proteins. They need to be washed away with soap and water." I felt myself blushing as I get self conscious sometimes still when I speak up.

"Oh," she replied. She seemed a little surprised that I had said something. The conversation ended with that and she went back to occupying her small child. But after her child had a snack (Cheez-its) she took him to the bathroom to wash his hands. It hadn't been my intention and I didn't tell her that Owen was allergic to cheese. However, she didn't speak to me for the rest of the class.

Just before the kids finished she came up with her child and asked how old Owen was. Her toddler was the same age. She made small talk for awhile. It was interesting and I was unsure of what her intention was. Did I change something in her opinoin by my one comment?

I also found this interaction interesting because her own daughter is diabetic. She comes out of class at least once during the hour to get her levels checked. Her mother pokes her finger and then give her a small snack and back in she goes to class. I always figured that mothers who have children with special circumstances would understand that others have their challenges too.

(Seriously, when is blogger going to fix spell check!)