Sunday, October 16, 2011

Dairy Queen! Yay!

Sorry bring a little snide.  Just got an email from Owen's soccer coach announcing an end of the season celebration at Dairy Queen!  Yay!  I know I have mentioned (in person and email) that Owen is allergic to  dairy (maybe he doesn't know this means ice cream too?) but this apparently has been forgotten.  My first reply email was "Hey!  We won't be able to make it to Dairy Queen.  Owen is allergic to milk (and eggs and sunflower seeds).  But feel free to go on with the festivities without us.  I won't mention it to Owen so he will be none the wiser."  My husband felt this was putting the coach in an awkward spot as then he would be watching what he says at practice and would feel bad if he slipped up.  Well, okay sometimes I don't like wearing others shoes as I don't always think they even try to wear mine so my reply was "So what."

In my heat of the moment angry phase, I will say "Why do I have to spare his feelings?"  Or the feelings of the Mom-who-brings-snacks-my-son-can't-have-and-then-acts-the-martyr as she "discreetly" says to her friend "Well, goldfish are what every Mom brings".  All I said is "Thank you for letting me read the label.  No, he can't have those."  At this point I have to say, your feelings about this situation are YOUR feelings.  I'm sorry he has food allergies and it is inconvenient to you in some way.  Though I have to wonder WHAT exactly is the inconvenience.  That he has them?  That he can't have what you proposed? I'm sorry.  I HAVE NOT asked you to change anything.  ALL I have said is he can't have those or he can't come to that.  It is not a judgement on you IT IS A FACT OF OUR LIVES.  That is it.  It is what we do everyday. Avoid.  Everyday.  Despite soccer games or end of the season celebrations.  Sorry I made you feel something.

So my real email read "Owen is allergic to dairy (and eggs and sunflower seeds).  So we won't be at the Dairy Queen festivities.  You've been a great coach this season.  Thanks for keeping the little guys motivated."

*Breathe out* I had forgotten how therapeutic my blog is for me.  Just had to get that little vent out.


Lrimerman said...

I totally get what you mean. We deal with multiple food intolerances/allergies here too and they generally go to Dairy Queen or something. I usually give my kids a treat of their own or take what we can have to the place. Sometimes we just bow out too.

It sucks, but it is the way it is.

Claire said...

I bow out of a lot of preschool field trips. Pizza Place, restaurants. They go every year and don't seem to care that we can't go. I PAY for preschool too so it sometimes makes me angry, but what can you do? We avoid a lot of things and people don't even seem to feel bad about it. Oh well I guess. We just bring our own snacks to things we go too. Most of the time, other parents don't bring any safe snacks. A typical snack is goldfish, cheese sticks, and gogurts. I've just had to get used to the fact that no one will even try to bring ritz or fruit.
That's just life I guess.

Anonymous said...

My eldest son has allergies to dairy,eggs,beef,sesame,fish,shellfish,peanut/tree nuts,raspberries and mustard and my youngest peanut/tree nuts. I often feel the need to apologize for their allergies as if their allergies are inconveniencing those around them. Why is that? Why is it not the other way around? Why do people see what we do to keep our children 'safe' such a threat? Why are we made out to be the 'crazy' person? My answer: lack of education and understanding of food allergies in general. I think the more we talk about food allergies and bring it into the mainstream, people will be more accepting. Until then...we keep smiling and spreading the word. Susan H @ the food allergy chronicles

Jen said...

I can totally identify with this. I love your blog. Please check out my new one when you get a chance:

Elisabeth said...

Your post took the words out of my mouth (hands?). We don't deal with diary, but with eggs, peanuts, tree nuts and shellfish. We don't go to many birthday parties, or end of the year parties. I have often wanted to reply to emails from teachers, coaches and other parents exactly like you wanted to.

Nice job on the restraint. :)

being super mom said...

I just found your blog today. I know exactly how you feel. I hate the looks the other mom's give when you say, politely, no my child can't eat that. Like you are the one being rude, well excuse me, I will just put my child's health at risk so you don't have to feel inconvienced, Really! I noticed you haven't poted in a while. I hope you haven't given up this blog.